Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
