I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
