one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She needs sedatives and a leash
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
