Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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