he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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