I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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