He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
