my phone needs a breathalizer
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
