considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
