It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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