it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
