guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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