i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
