I want to make a zoo with you.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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