So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
