Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
