just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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