i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
