I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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