Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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