not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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