and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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