i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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