There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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