Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
