I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
