Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
