I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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