Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
