neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
