hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
