I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
