Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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