Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
