I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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