Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
