Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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