I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
