i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
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I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm like, not good at living.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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