I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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