I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
