piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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