are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
