SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
