"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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