susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
