i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
