Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
