You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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