I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize