first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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