I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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