dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
false alarm. still invincible.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
