youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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