Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
