it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
