he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
