I'm gonna have a badass scar
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
