I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
