The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
