I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
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I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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