You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
