I am in a vortex of obligation.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
