who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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