People in love make me want to vomit
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
