You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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