Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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