then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
