I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
