My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
