It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
