so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
