Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
