Nicole vs. Life
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
