So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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