Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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