mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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