I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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