i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
