If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
