drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
