i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
