So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
