if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
