It's Friday. Sex?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
