My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Randomize
