i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You need Xanax blowdarts
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
