those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
operation harelip BJ is a go
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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