Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
