I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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