sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
