I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
