Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
