I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
this will be a night to untag.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
