Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just threw up on my dentist
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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